The Five Worst Christmas Gifts for My Future Kid

We're starting to get ready for Christmas around here, which means that Mr. Officer and I have had quite a few conversations about how much fun it's going to be when little baby H is around next year. In turn, that has prompted many discussions about Christmas toys.

Now if the stories from Mr. Officer's childhood are to be believed, we are gearing up for a very imaginative little pint-sized prankster. From all sonogram accounts, baby H is very active, which is also in keeping with Mr. Officer's childhood personality.

As our kid grows, the name of the game is going to be getting the energy out, without giving him any ideas for future mischief. With that in mind, I bring you my picks for the worst possible Christmas gifts to give our future little one.

1. Trampoline

We've all seen America's Funniest Home Videos, come on people, why are backyard trampolines even still on the market?! Mr. Officer and I decided that this was on the no list way before we even talked about marriage or kids.

I realize that many trampolines come with safety nets these days, but I feel pretty confident that baby H and his future friends will still find some way to foil my best safety measures. Plus I really don't want to encourage any sort of jumping activity, since a bed is just basically a giant, indoor trampoline. No thanks...pass!

2. Mischievous Elf on the Shelf 

Okay, I actually love the Elf on the Shelf, and I think he's adorable. In fact, I can't wait to do this with our kid. However, Mr. Officer and I are going to have to be very careful about the elf scenarios. I'm fine with the elf taking Barbie out to the movies, or making mini donuts out of Cheerios, but I'm going to have to draw the line at the elf tp'ing the living room. Kids love to reenact things, so I don't need baby H fishing for, and then potentially eating, goldfish crackers from our toilet. Yuck.....

3. What's in Ned's Head?  

This is another in the series of possible reenactments gone horribly awry. I'm sure we'll do a fair amount of fishing cereal and other random kid accoutrement from baby H's various orifices, so I don't need Ned to give him any ideas. Enough said about that one....

4. Don't Wake Daddy

 Mr. Officer works nights, so I'm expecting that "Don't wake Daddy" will already be a popular phrase in our house. Did I mention that Mr. Officer is not a morning person, and does not like to be woken up? It would not work out well if this toy jumped off the game board and into real life.....I'm sure there would be tears on all sides. Therefore, it's for baby H's own emotional protection that this "game" is banned from our household.

5. Stuffies

This toy perplexes me every time I see the commercial on TV. I understand the attraction for little kids, but I'm just picturing opening up stuffies' mouth to discover that our kid has been feeding his brussel sprouts to his stuffy for the past week.....or that he put some chocolate milk in there for safe keeping...or that he forgot about the flashlight he put in there before clocking an innocent neighborhood kid over the head during a sleepover pillow fight. A stuffed animal with hidden compartments, that's a skip....

So, have I missed anything? What seemingly innocent toys are banned in your household?